"When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms..."
Remembered this story sent to me by my friend when i read Lingjie's blog regarding an interesting story...This story's a little long, but worth the read.
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so.
I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got something to tell you, I said.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! .
At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn t want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I have a request, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn t tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I m serious.
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst out crying. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the florist shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I ll carry you out every morning until we are old.
Ran some errands on Monday -- collecting visa for zuyao, my wallet that was sent for cleaning and swensons voucher (wooo, yummy!). Then went to his house as some pple were coming to service/ clean the air-cons.
For Tuesday, went shopping with apple but didn't buy any clothes. Only bought an eyelash treatment that's supposed to strengthen, lengthen and thicken eyelash (sounds good rite) and a pair of earrings that i've been aiming for quite a long time.
Oh, and something terrible happened. I almost lost zuyao's LOST dvds! Apple and me were at Far East Long John's having some drinks and i placed the dvds that she returned to me on the floor. After finishing the drinks, we went to the toilet...without taking my dvds!! And the eyelash treatment that i bought and apple's mascara was inside the same paper bag!
I didn't remember it and even continued shopping at Far East, then Mango near Pacific Plaza then Scotts Isetan. Coz i had been bearing with gastric pains, Apple suggested me go toilet and poot. So i went and it was when i hung my bag behind the door's handle that i shockingly realised that my paper bag was missing! After at least 1hr!
I hurriedly rushed out of the toilet and told Apple the disaster. We were so frantic that we hurried back to Far East, reprimanding ourselves for our blurness and stupidity. I can't tell u how scared i was -- my heart was just racing!
But thank god Long John's staff saw the paper bag and kept it!! We were soooooooo relieved we said we should go thank guan yin ma.
Sigh, this is yet another classic example of my carelessness, though it can't be compared to my throwing away of the diamond ear studs that my mum bought me for my 21st bday *it still hurts... =( * I must really be extra careful in the future...
Sad things aside, i took some really cute pictures of Baby Aden in the shower! Enjoy!
Yesterday was my last day @ Singtel. I didn't have much to do in the morning, but after lunch i had to handover the remaining reports to a manager so it was quite a rush. And due to the spring cleaning in the office, had to clear A LOT of rubbish...
It was a great contrast to my last day at Paper Innovation last time. This time round, i didn't shed a tear at all. I felt sad that i'll be leaving great colleagues and a familiar and friendly working environment but somehow crying was not on my mind.
And i actually felt a little 不舍得 when bidding goodbye to my boss. She said she will miss me and she said she's sure i wouldn't miss her, hahaha...But i think i will...overall she's a good person lah. At least she's real and says what she means.
Really hope where i'm going to now is the right way for me. Will definitely work hard!
I like this song! It's a update of the song and i think it's a great one! THis clip is their performance at the 2006 Grammy Awards. Quality of the video quite grainy though...
The rest are old songs which i like, especially those of Karen Mok's. You may not have heard of Zhang Liang Ying but she's one of the top 3 in the very popular China singing competition, 超级女声. Got to know this nice song from yes93.3's 中国风.
New video clip of Superband participant, qi:nobe, singing Jay Chou's Ren Zhe (Ninja):-
Nothing much this past week...a lot of changes in my office/ dept but since it doesn't involves me i'm quite "free". Only left the handing over part which is more or less done.
Being a social loafer at work these days, haha...been searching and browsing sites for information for my coming Shanghai trip! It's next Thursday and we're going free and easy...which is why we need to gather as much info as possible.
A bit stressed out but then the excitement overides everything else...It's my first trip to China and i'm really looking forward to great scenery! Hopefully everything -- the food, people, hotels, shopping -- turns out well and we'll have a wonderful trip!
Oh, btw...my LV twin pochette gm is sold out...a little disappointed but i'm contemplating buying 1 in yahoo auctions, hee...
My mum did something unexpected: she bought me a bag. And guess what, it’s a Bonia bag! Bonia!!! I don’t mind a weird brand or some nobody-knows brand, but BONIA!!! It’s an auntie brand!
She was getting a Bonia bag for my grandma and there was extra discount for the small bag. My mum even said she felt the bag suits me a lot coz it’s small and cute – like me =P
I must admit I am kinda brand conscious…not in the sense that I love branded goods to death but then I’m the kind that will save up in order to buy one. Recently I just bought a Tiffany & Co bracelet that costs $380 (it is a bday present from my siblings, I only forked out $100) and I’m so happy! Hee…
Well, Zuyao’s sis is in France for a few days and since it’s supposed to be cheaper over there and the progress funds are coming in, I decided to buy a LV bag! It costs $785 in Singapore…in France should cost ard $630…so that’s ¾ of my progress funds gone!
Anyway, back to the Bonia topic, the bag my mum bought me is actually quite a cute one. It is a very small, hand carry bag. Even has a nice gold bracelet thingy hanging at the side. But even so I’ll feel embarrassed to be seen with it. The best thing I can think of is to carry it to JB and make pple think that a) I’m a local and b) I’m not rich. I can’t give it away coz I feel my mum will be really sad.
Actually I’m really touched coz the last time I received any present (besides ang pow) from my mum is in Primary school when I got toys from her.
Just last month, I needed a bolster. My old one was like all too soft n cuddle-unfriendly. I kept pestering my mum to either make one (combine the cotton from 2 bolsters) or buy a new one and my sis was so disgusted with me, saying that I should get one on my own, it’s not like I’m still a kid.
But that’s the point! I wanted my mum to do it so that I’ll feel like a little gal that still needs and relies on my mum. I know it sounds bo liao…but I dunno, I just liked the feeling. Anyway, I bought it myself in the end, and she also bought it! Haha…ended up we have 4 new bolsters in the house…
Have been a long time since i watched Takuya Kimura's dorama. Engine VCDs has been sitting in my room for quite a few months coz i was into korean dramas then. But once i started watching Engine, there's was no stopping me. It's a really great series!
I have liked Takuya Kimura since his Long Vacation. Caught almost all his doramas like Beautiful Life, Hero, Good Luck!...But i didn't catch Pride when it was showed on tv. Not really interested in ice hockey though i know if it's Takuya, it's almost certain that i can expect a great show.
Anyway, i think i'll go rent Pride soon! Takuya's acting is just superb. He simply has the innate talent of breathing life into any character and this natural charisma that will make you go crazy just by looking at him. Already i am looking forward to his next dorama!
Today is the last day i'll be working with bee kim. After today, we'll meeting outside office, the little familiar place that i've been working at for 1 year.
I'm sad. Not sadness per se, but 不舍 and worry.
We click quite well and she's really someone i can confide in. Her character is almost completely different from mine; the most obvious being her attitude towards the trust and confidence in relationships. Which is why she is always able to convince me and make me re-think my own attitude towards relationships. Work-wise, she's always willing to lend me a listening ear, listening to my grumbles and helping me out at times when i need. And she's a young gal at heart! Her unintended jokes and bluntness really cracks me up and makes the workplace a more fun place to be in.
I wonder if i'll find a colleague and friend like her in my new workplace. I know there's bound to be good and bad people around...i just hope there'll be someone who'll be truely sincere and frank in being friends with me.
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I am hooked on LOST again!! Season 2 has been showing since last thursday and i'm really looking forward to it. After finishing season 1 on DVD, i have been really intrigued and been trying to find out more on what's going to happen. There's a great website which i came upon and i have finished reading the transcripts to all the episodes! Even though it's only words, scenes and images were conjured in my head as i was reading them. It'd be a real great season 2!
I've tendered my resignation today. Phew! Finally a load off my mind.
Today was busy, especially at the time when i wanted to go find my boss. When i stood in her office and handed her the letter, her eyes went bigger at seeing my letter but she recovered fast and asked me why i wanted to quit.
I just told her the truth that I didn't really like analytics and could not perform well at it too. She was ok -- asked me questions regarding my new job. Most importantly she wanted me to be sure that i want to pursue a career in client servicing for the long term and must persevere at it.
She was really sincere. I said sorry for leaving at a difficult time like this but she replied that as long as i has learned from her and take it with me to my new career, she'll be contented. Lastly she wished me all the best.
Really felt guilty. The thoughts of her displays of emotions suddenly just disappeared. Well, but i guess that's life. We can't stay stagnant and be contented with what we have when we can do better. I'll definitely work hard!
Between a 2-3 months bonus, pleasant work environment, good colleagues and a higher monthly pay for a job scope that I find more challenging and fulfilling, I choose the latter.
Have called the HR manager to inform them and thought that I would be going down to sign the appointment letter, but she said she’d snail mail it to me instead. I thought it was a good idea initially, but after off-setting the no. of leave I have to clear, I realized it was not that ideal.
She said the letter would reach me by Wednesday, meaning that I can only tender on Thursday (6 Apr). 1 month’s notice would mean my last day is on 5 May (Friday). I should have about 7 days leave, so after off-setting my leave, my last day would fall on 25 Apr (Tuesday).
If I can tender tomorrow, my last day would be on Friday (21 Apr), which is a casual, not much workload day! Besides, Mondays are always busy and since I’m thinking of starting work at the new company on 2 May (Tuesday), it means I have 2 days less of rest!
I know I am grumbling about nitty gritty minor stuff here, but I just cannot stand the idea of my 2 rest days being eaten up by work.
I shall give the HR manager a call early tmr morning and see if I can pick it up personally then sign and return to them so that I can tender on Wednesday, a day earlier. It may seem insignificant but I dun care…I must have more rest days before embarking on a new phase in life. =P
