my sanctuary

Friendship & Jealousy

Have you ever felt angry when a friend is closer to another? Especially when it is a friend u consider close to u? Perhaps not really anger but rather it's jealousy, or a suppressed kind of feeling and frustration, when you think over and over again the reasons you think may be the cause for the feeling that you are feeling?

Anyway, not trying to play with words here. Just that i have some close friends from Uni. We are a group of 6, or 5 actually as 1 gal is always MIA. It's quite amazing how we got together as a group -- over KFC's cheesy fries.

The first trip we went on was to Redang, Malaysia. It was truly enjoyable. The journey, the place, the late nights and video-ing. The entire holiday was just memorable.

Perhaps like lovers, friends do drift apart. Not in the sense that you do not meet regularly like before, or that you do not seem to enjoy the same things anymore, but the thought that goes into the friendship. Like it goes in Chinese, 朋友是用心来交的. So even if you do not meet at all, you'd still care and know what your friend is going through, especially the most important points in his/ her life.

I dunno why i'm being so long winded here...just feel like saying some things here to vent my frustrations. The whole incident is like this. On Friday morning as I left for Ipoh, my brother and bro-in-law had forgotten to notify Mindef. As they didn't have the number to call, i sms friend A to ask him to help call Mindef. Friend A replied saying that he was overseas and it was not convenient. "It's okay" I said, "I will ask Friend B". Messaging Friend B the same sms, he replied that he was in Taiwan with Friend A and 2 other friends. When i got the sms, i immediately had 2 questions in my mind. One, why didn't Friend A tell me that when i told him i will be asking Friend B to help. Two, why are they in Taiwan when Friend B told us that he was tight and hence to accomodate him, we went to Bangkok in Nov(as it was nearer and cheaper).

I felt stupid. Like being taken for a ride. I questioned Friend B why was he in Taiwan when he said he was tight and he said it was becoz the announcement of the bonus, and they planned the trip at the last minute. Which i can't accept the reason. Taiwan is the place we said we'd go this June. To accomodate his work, we planned the trip in June despite being the peak period. It is not that i want to know everything and that my friends cannot go on trips without my permission. But if u are Friend A and B and someone asks u to go on a holiday to a place u have already planned to go with other friends, shouldn't you at least inform your friends or choose another destination? Shouldn't this be the first thing that comes to your mind? I know i would. Am i too demanding, expecting too much from my friends? But i would expect the same of myself to my friends too. Despite sparing so much thought for my friends, i just felt disappointed. And this is further aggravated when i happened to read about Friend B's blog entries just while ago. I simply felt overwhelmed by the disappointment i feel right now. Feel simply foolish for thinking that people will reciprocate the efforts i put into maintaining and growing friendship.

I know it seems such a minor issue, but it is the meaning behind the issue that's the important thing. Perhaps it's only one incident and i shouldn't be making a mountain out of a molehill. Perhaps a few days later, or even tomorrow, i wouldn't see this as a big deal. Perhaps it is really pointless to dwell on this minor issue and make myself unhappy over this coz i know i have other friends that understand how i feel and how to treat each other. Whatever the case, i just hope i do not need to face similar issues like this again.

posted by itoshiiyun @ 11:18 PM